Mr. TFC: I’m the Saver, Not the Spender

A continuation from last week’s post written by my better half, Mrs. TFC: I'm the Spender, Not the Saver.

Every joint financial adventure has a relative spender and a relative saver. Money and personal finances are the culprit of much contention in a relationship, so why not throw a couple thoughts into the world about how Mrs. TFC and I handle these matters as a team?

I am a saver. No doubt about it. Mrs. TFC is a relative spender. Relative to my penny-pinching behaviors. She is a saver relative to many, but nevertheless, the spender in our relationship.

Let me clarify that neither spender nor saver is better than the other. They just are. They exist. That’s it.

Saver Mindset

Again, degrees of being a saver, but I’m a bit closer to the poles than the median. My conservative upbringing played a significant role here. I developed an understanding and appreciation for delayed gratification early in life.

Delayed gratification was not an ultimatum, but rather a trend. So yes, I purchased some little luxuries, but always saved up and paid cash.  Today, delayed gratification represents another step closer to FI. One could make the argument to live like no tomorrow. I see validity, but only hindsight brings clarity to that argument.

I enjoy having an emergency fund and the ability to make a purchase if I so choose. I enjoy watching my accounts grow. I enjoy being debt free, except for the house (which is now a conscious decision).

Present Day

Mrs. TFC and I are what I would describe as subjectively financially comfortable. Objectively, doing fine for a couple in their 20’s. From the outside, we are just another average couple in an average house driving what were average vehicles. Nothing flashy. Nothing stands out.

From the inside, we are two people who worked an unhealthy amount and saved like crazy. We have a plan, albeit a crazy one.

I had a bit of money prior to starting anesthesia school, but we have never had any notable amount until now. Despite many of our peers being envious of our financial standing, most wouldn’t elect to undergo the interventions we did to make it here.

In the words of 8-time Mr. Olympia, Ronnie Coleman, “Everybody wants to be a bodybuilder, but nobody wants to lift no heavy-a** weights.”

Our peers may know we don’t have student loans, but not much else. I don’t think many know about Mrs. TFC’s new 4Runner, which we paid for in cash. They certainly don’t know about our financial goals and journey towards FI.

Let me be clear, I don’t recommend mirroring how I handled my finances, nor how Mrs. TFC and I handle our joint finances. Everything we do is 100% possible and attainable, but HIGHLY undesirable. Please sift through my learnings and experiences and pull a couple ideas you can apply to your finances.

How We Handle Money

We “do finances” which is a monthly 30-minute update of everything money using a similar version of these downloadable templates. There is typically resistance to this meeting, so keeping it short is good for us – Compromise.

FI is the plan, so we don’t need to rehash that. We have a savings goal to get use there, so that’s established.

We tally up the spending to determine our monthly expenses. Then compare the spending in various categories to last month to look for outliers. Lastly, we update our net worth. We note the amount in each account, add everything, then calculate the net worth change month over month.

This monthly review prevents things from going unnoticed – be that subscriptions, fraudulent charges, or spending changes.

The biggest take away here as the saver is monitoring discretionary spending. Mrs. TFC buys most of everything, essential and discretionary. We have a predetermined (and generous) amount Mrs. TFC can spend on whatever she wants without question. I have a discretionary allotment too, but it’s a total joke because I don’t spend the majority of it.

A discretionary allotment is how the spender spends without causing the saver to pull all their hair out. It works for us.

My Upbringing

My parents prioritized family time and thoughtful spending over material items. We would spend money on camping, fishing, hunting, and an annual family vacation. Admission to the fair, pool passes, and local sporting events regularly. All experiences and doing things.

Material possessions such as a big house, expensive vehicles, and luxury brands were not high on the priority list. A $10,000 boat allowed us to fish as frequently as a $75,000 boat.

Adolescent Money Habits

I credit my mother with my love of thrift shopping. One of my guilty pleasures to this day. I’m not talking about those overpriced “thrift shops” with high administrative costs – I’m talking about the local places that actually use the proceeds for local causes. These are the one place money figuratively burns a hole in my pocket.

Buying used actually made a lot of sense. Cheaper and broken in. Growing boy means nothing fits for more than a year. I was involved in many sports that required different equipment. Sure, I had some new stuff, but that wasn’t important.

To this day, I despise buying clothes. Maybe that’s because I’m a guy. Unless you are at a legit thrift shop, then $3 for a subjectively stylish flamingo V-neck t-shirt is something you can’t pass up, even if you think $3 is on the high side.

Anyway, my parents were transparent with their finances. They spoke to the benefits of delayed gratification, which have thus far turned out to be true. Spend less than you make. Save for a rainy day.

They weren’t into the FIRE (financially independent, retire early) movement or stock market investments, just having your financial ratios in order.

College

I had all of the opportunities to go to college and a state university worked just fine. They had a BSN program that allowed me to find myself in a trauma center ICU upon graduation. Tuition was/is the cheapest in the nation. This is also where future Mrs. TFC entered the picture. We started having financial conversations pretty early on, which I would cautiously recommend.

Working at this trauma center allowed me to bank some cash to cover a CRNA program. I worked a lot, even a weekend contract for a while, but still had fun outside of work. Spending was thoughtful and calculated knowing a six-figure tuition bill was just around the corner.

Rent was cheap. I cooked at home. $55 per week for groceries. A few vacations, but nothing over the top. I really just maintained a college spending regimen because I knew CRNA school was only 2 or 3 years away. I pretended I was $100,000 in debt the entire time. Delaying gratification to avoid the 6.8% student loans. I think subsidized were 6% at the time.

Plenty of SRNAs had new vehicles or “owned” a house while I was sharing the top floor of a 550sq.ft. duplex with Mrs. TFC. We split the $625 bill for rent. These sacrifices are the variables in my financial equation that are overlooked. It wasn’t desirable at the time, but I sure wouldn’t trade it now.

For those of you saying rent was low, the RN wages were low. I started at $22.45. This was 2016. This state had the lowest RN wages in the nation. Cost of living was also low, so all things were equal.  

I don’t look down upon anyone who has student loans. I’m the weird one here. Credit to my parents for this one. But it takes discipline to follow through with these conservative spending habits.

College Graduates

When Mrs. TFC and I finished our undergraduate programs, it was commonplace for borrowers to start payment plans. Pay the minimum over 10 years. Mrs. TFC graduated with $27,000 in loans from a stint at an out-of-state college.

I quickly shut down the idea that carrying those loans out for 10 years was acceptable. She had no other debt, a low cost of living, and a solid job. She was making $45,000 annually as a nurse plus some spending money from a part time job.

This was the first time she was met with the idea of going against the financial norm. She didn’t grow up in a family that spoke openly about finances or have interest in anything money related.

She was following the perceived societal norms. Live your life with student loans and a mortgage. Borrow money for your car. Work until you are 65. We aren’t doing any of that.

She willingly adopted many of my frugal habits during this period. Likely gave me a hard time over more than a few of them, but began to see where I was coming from. She understood the advantages of being debt free and paid off all of her loans in 10 or 11 months.

This was possible because HER spending became calculated and intentional. Not as stingy as my spending, but more than many of our peers. And no, I don’t take credit for it. I simply shared the advantages of paying off the loans and she decided it sounded attractive. Then she was hooked on the idea and became averse to borrowing money.

Now she wouldn’t trade her financial peace of mind or emergency fund for anything.

Mrs. TFC’s Grad School

It wasn’t long before she returned to Nurse Practitioner school. She continued to work full time and pay tuition as she went. With both of us saving or paying for school, it wasn’t a tough decision to keep out lifestyle stunted. More delayed gratification.

Student loan interest is/was high. And the burden of debt was undesirable. After being truly debt free – not owing anything to anyone – it’s tough to go back. It’s a feeling I can’t explain to those who have had a car note and student loans their whole life. I can only say those who are free from debt know what I’m talking about and likely feel the same way.

We were running separate finances during that phase but had similar goals of making it through school without accruing debt. Self-funding a debt free graduate program almost became an ego thing. Wanting to do something just so you can say, “I did it.”  

Proud moment, both for graduating and doing so debt free. Was it worth the overtime and low cost of living? We both think it was.

Delayed Milestones

We delated a few big ones such as marriage and buying a house. Marriage was a tough one to sell. It was well known in my friend group that I was prioritizing my career, and that meant getting through school before marriage. Mrs. TFC and I had many conversations about this.

We settled on an engagement when she agreed to relocate with me when I started the clinical portion of my training. She would shortly relocate again when she graduated as an NP.  

Financially, we cut it close covering tuition the way it was, there was no way we could have pulled either of these off without financial assistance or borrowing money. At this point, ego was in the picture again.

The Wedding

Mrs. TFC wanted a (rather grand) wedding and a new 4Runner. She worked as an NP for a year before I graduated anesthesia school. She saved $30,000. I attempted to compromise by saying our accounts are separate, but knowing how important each of these are to you, I could live with you spending the earning on either one. Then we buckle down.

She elected to fund the wedding and two-week honeymoon, which drained everything she had. Lots of people. Good food. Extravagant dress. It was exactly what she wanted. Total financial liability to my financially logical man brain, but it made her happy. She worked for it. And it’s theoretically a once in a lifetime event. At least for me it will be.

We had many discussions about spending during the planning process. The outcome would be the same regardless of the entrée, photographer, or venue. I have come to realize that being in a market with irrational buyers is a good business approach. Weddings and babies.

I have won’t go on about the wedding and honeymoon that squeezed themselves in the 4 weeks between graduation and starting work as a CRNA, but if you want to read more about the planning and funding, here is the link.

The House

We moved to a rural area with very few rentals. A 5-month search resulted in nothing. Literally nothing. We were forced into buying. First time homebuyers. Financially, we were left with my remaining funds from CRNA school, which weren’t a lot.

This was one topic that had me a bit worried. She was looking at the top end houses in this area. We were both coming out of small apartments, so why the major leap in housing? Well, that’s pretty common from what I see. The income windfall changes everything.

This was another topic where we pulled out our handy dandy pros/cons list. This was mid COVID so the market was white hot. After much discussion, I said, we only have enough to cover closing costs and a down payment on a less expensive place.

I would absolutely recommend a pros/cons list. Great way to lay out a purchase decision. Add to the list over a few days while the idea stews. Then discuss it. This is a regular tool we use. It baffles friends how seamlessly we can make major decisions. It’s all rationality and intentionality.

Last minute, a place came on the market for $250,000, which is about $100,000 less than where she was looking. We placed an offer 3 days later and the rest is history. We ended up buying sight unseen and the whole process was…just okay.

I was relieved that we fell out of that $350-400K range. She was generally happy with the house, but wanted to change some aesthetics. I was fine with an updated look and a bit of sweat equity.

I have a detailed breakdown of what we bought and how it’s not a great financial investment here.

I noted some comments as to why we didn’t put down 20%. A 5% down payment didn’t seem to match The Financial Cocktail philosophy. We just ran out of money.

New 4Runner

This was another major discussion. As mentioned above, this was on her list. The reasons…I won’t go into. As the saver, I constructed a plan as to go about making such a purchase without hindering our progress.

The used car market is expensive. There is a waitlist for new vehicles. We didn’t have a short timeline, but she wanted very specific features of the 4Runner. Lunar rock, moon roof, and heated seats. That made the search a bit tricky.

Anyway, we agreed to start a “New Car Fund” which would be funded exclusively with overtime dollars. Fortunately for her, we were/are short staffed at work, so overtime was plentiful. Based on interest rates, we agreed to pay in full.

Over the months, we watched the account grow. She actually jumped the gun on making the purchase because of the perceived scarcity. She was on a couple waitlists, but this vehicle came through early. And….she purchased prior to us filling the “New Car Fund.”

Pretty disappointing as the saver. You win some, you lose some. We backfilled the money market account after the purchase was made, so in the end, all things were equal.

Our personal finance relationship is far from perfect, but it works for us. We keep each other in check. A nice balance. At this point, we are on autopilot. As I stated above, we have a plan and check our progress monthly. And we deviate on occasion. All things considered, we make a pretty good team.

Good luck to your personal finance duo. Thanks for reading.