All great novels and movies have complementary opposing forces. Protagonist and antagonist, good and evil, yin and yang. Personal finance has complimentary forces of its own. You guessed it…spenders and savers.

There is a spectrum connecting these two extremes. Every joint financial adventure has a relative spender and a relative saver. Money and personal finance are culprits of much contention in a relationship, so why not throw a couple thoughts to the world wide web about how Mrs. TFC and I handle these matters as a team?

What better way than to have Mrs. TFC and I each write a post through our own personal finance lens?

I am a saver. No doubt about it. Mrs. TFC is a relative spender. Relative to my penny-pinching behaviors. She is a saver relative to many, but nevertheless, the spender in our relationship.

We have known each other for a decade. Through undergrad and $27,000 in student loans, working as an RN, graduate programs, and now…working life.

Let me clarify that neither spender nor saver is better than the other. They just are. They exist. That’s it. I’ll release Mr. TFC: I’m the SAVER, not the SPENDER next week.

Without further ado, don the lense of my better half as she shares her experiences as the spender.

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If you've been reading my husband's blog for any amount of time now, you may have heard the frugality woven into each and every word. If you've been trying to apply some of his principles, you may have found it difficult because you are not inherently a saver but rather a spender.

If this speaks to you--perhaps we should be friends. I have (proudly) been--and always will be--the spender. 

I got my first official job at age 15 and from that point on became fairly self-reliant. I saved, used my own money for any additional shopping or meals out with friends, and rarely accepted money from my parents.

As I worked jobs that paid more lucratively and could spend more time working, my financial dependence on my parents only decreased. I have almost always worked two jobs, worked all through college, and worked additional hours in order to afford "luxuries" throughout college, the years post undergrad, and all through grad school. All so I could be the spender. 

My husband and I met in college where I was first exposed to the way he managed and saved money. He had a certain amount allotted for his dining hall fund per semester while we were in the dorms. He calculated this down to how much he was allowed to spend per day and divided this up per meal. He rarely went home on the weekends, so he knew he had to make this last 7 days per week.

While the rest of us were shamelessly buying coffee every day and eating at the more expensive "sports bar" type option on campus, he would rarely join us, but when he did, he would forego drinks and sides. It just didn’t fit the budget. This frugal behavior isn't new for him with his CRNA salary--it has always been a part of him. 

I credit my good (not great, but better) spending and saving habits to him and consider myself his first financial advisee. When we graduated undergrad, he provided more education than the loan officers or financial aid power points ever did.

I truly understood the gravity of me borrowing money and paying it back slowly. The interest felt heavy. At the time, like many of you, student loans felt inevitable -- death, taxes, student loans. They felt like a lifetime burden, something I would always carry with me.

However, thanks to my husband's financial prowess, the work ethic my parents instilled, and good wages as a nurse (plus a few side jobs), I was able to pay them off quickly. After being able to say I was debt free, it was enough incentive to remain mindful of my finances in a way I never had been before. I truly felt a weight lifted off my shoulders. 

None of this was without sacrifice and was not always a fun journey. We shopped grocery sales only -- even if it meant going to four grocery stores. I didn't buy any new clothes for at least 12 months. I got all my spending money from working extra hours at a restaurant and all my nursing money went towards paying down my loans. 

Am I telling you to do this? No. Is it worth it to everyone? No. Was it worth it for me? Yes. 

So now that my loans are paid off and I'm making "NP money" and married to a CRNA who hustles hard and saves harder, have our spending habits changed? Only slightly.

It manifests in splurging on fun cheese for get togethers with friends. It manifests in choosing the flights that are most convenient and most direct instead of buying the one with three layovers because it costs $200 less. It manifests in being able to buy a new vehicle -- which my husband will still call a mistake, albeit a worthwhile one. 

It also manifests in reviewing our budget -- monthly. Our budget is realistic -- it reflects our monthly necessities, savings goals, and allows for discretionary. As the saver in the relationship, there has had to be a little give from Mr. TFC. As the spender in the relationship, I have had to reign in some of my spending impulses.

There is compromise and open and honest communication regarding expectations, changes that need to be made, upcoming expenses, and when things are getting a little lax. 

We circle the grocery store every time to hit the clearance bins, use coupons when possible, and still shop sales. Sure, I encourage my husband to let loose every once in a while, but he keeps me accountable and reminds me of the bigger picture. When my view is five feet, his is five hundred. 

I still have a proportionally large discretionary designation—because it works for us. The responsibility falls on me to purchase anything the house needs, our dog needs, any presents, and anything “just for fun”.  It brings me joy. I find serotonin aimlessly wandering around stores.

My husband finds it tedious and often a waste of time. But now instead of leaving with a full cart and metaphorically empty wallet, I more often than not leave with the things I truly love in addition to the necessities.  My Amazon cart may have 100+ things “saved for later,” but thanks to the good habits I have built, “later” may never come. 

Very rarely do I view my spending habits as a weakness, although I know many do. I consider it a balancing act. But as someone with long term financial goals, I know the onus falls partially on me.

As one half of a DINK household, I get to contribute to our financial successes. But this means I am also partially responsible for any failures or mistakes we make along the way. 

Mr. TFC and I don’t always see eye to eye and will never fully agree on how to spend. But our emphasis is on long-term goals and reasonable compromise. This isn’t a blog about marriage and how we have strengthened our relationship over the last ten years.

With finances being such a huge factor in divorce, I feel it’s only fair to mention how it’s affected us. Regular financial discussion gives us a clear path. It’s annoying. I don’t like doing monthly sit-down budget meetings—especially as the spender.  But it keeps us on track, on the same page, and honest. It keeps expectations of the other in the forefront. It eliminates *almost* all money-based arguments. 

Being the spender in a relationship that has a saver—and for some reason there is usually one of each—means determining if your goals match your partner’s. For us, joint finances is reasonable because despite different spending tendencies our goals are aligned.

Perhaps if you don’t want to save and invest ridiculous proportions of money, a separate bank account may be something to consider. But that seems like a blog post for another time. 

I used to equate being the spender to being the dreamer, the one with their head in the clouds. I used to consider Mr. TFC the grounding force that kept my feet firmly planted. I used to resent his frugality. Now I recognize that his ways are what allow me to dream.

He keeps me tethered but lets me fly. We have hope for the future that retirement is not only for age 65. We travel and see all we didn’t get to while we were burying our noses in our textbooks. We fantasize about and romanticize a future our younger selves would never have even dreamed of having.

Never will I be the saver, but I will always do my part to contribute to our financial successes and goals. 

Thanks for reading! 

-Mrs. TFC